He should have known
by Toptoffee
Summary: Lee returns to the Galactica to discover that he had been replaced by a cylon imposter. Follow up to She should have known which details Starbuck's reaction to discovering Lee was a cylon.
1. Chapter 1

Part 1

It was the silence that first warned him something was wrong. It was never this quiet on the Galactica. Regardless of the time of night, there would always be some crew member changing shift, snoring in their rack or even crying out during their nightmares. But now Lee Adama found himself lying in an impenetrable dark. And the unfamiliar silence was thunderous.

His second warning came when he tried to move. His arms were tied behind his back, his legs strung together at the ankles and knees. He called out for help and was surprised when the name he called was Kara's. He didn't have time to analyze his instincts now though for he had been taken by surprise again when he discovered his mouth had been gagged. As the first wave of panic hit him, Lee's military training took over and he let the sensation wash over so that he could clear his mind before assessing the situation. But he discovered it was impossible to think straight: he was weak, more tired than he could ever remember, and he was unable to shake free from the fog that smothered his brain.

Then, the third warning came as he tried to move once more. A jolt of pain shot through his torso, and Lee sank back into the darkness and remembered no more.

When Lee woke again he did not know how long he had been unconscious. Nor could he remember how he had ended up in such a predicament in the first place. Warily, he assessed his limbs by moving them gently within their constraints. Although he felt weaker than ever, the pain from before was gone. But instead of reassuring Lee, this last realization only served to make him more fearful. For how long must he have been held captive in this unknown place if his wounds had already healed. And if the Galactica had not found him by now did this mean they were no longer looking. He thought back to the time when Kara went missing after a viper crash and remembered their desperate search. Back then his father had assured him that, were it Lee missing, he would never give up looking, whatever the cost to the fleet. Lee hoped now that he could trust those words. But then his thoughts went back to Kara, his rebellious, rule breaking, infuriating best friend. Somehow he knew without doubt that she would never leave him here. She would be out there looking for him right now, orders or no orders, and the Gods help any man, woman or cylon that got in her way. Lee let out a small chuckle despite himself, and, as he passed out from weakness once more, he did so with a small smile on his lips.

There was no silence the third time Lee awoke. Shouts and confusion surrounded him. He sensed he was still strapped down, but now seemed to be moving, and there was light, lots of light, blinding his eyes after so long in the darkness. As his eyes adjusted, he recognized armed marines from the Galactica surrounding his gurney. He looked up at the moving ceiling above and saw, to his great relief, that it looked just like the Galactica. He was home.

It took a while for him to find his voice, and when it came the dehydration had rendered it no more than a croaking whisper.

"Hey guys," Lee called, doing his best to be heard above the commotion surrounding him, "am I glad to see you."

He could not have anticipated their reaction. Instead of the welcoming smiles of fellow crewmates he had expected, the marines steadfastly ignored him, some clutching their weapons even harder, a look of hatred on their faces.

"Hey," Lee repeated, a sudden sense of danger making his voice a little stronger this time. "What's going on? I'm on the Galactica, aren't I? What's wrong? Where's Starbuck? Where's my father?"

The gurney stopped abruptly and a marine pressed his gun against Lee's forehead. "Don't you frakking well call him that! You son of a bitch!" the marine cried.

"Put your weapon down Lieutenant!" That was Colonel Tigh's voice, Lee recognized with relief, finally he would get some answers and have this marine charged with insubordination in the process. But his heart sank when Tigh continued, "The corridors to both the sickbay and the brig have been closed off. I want this thing in sickbay right now before anyone else sees it. Is that understood."

The marine lowered his weapon and spat in Lee's face with hatred. Lee couldn't wipe himself clean as his arms were still strapped down to the gurney. Instead he looked around wildly. "Colonel Tigh!" he cried. "What the frak's going on?"

Tigh looked down at him, contempt in his eyes, and responded instead to the offending lieutenant. "Get this frakking toaster out of my sight before I kill him myself."

Lee was in freefall. Terror overwhelmed him as the meaning of Tigh's words sank in.

"What? What did you say? Did you just call me a frakking toaster? No! No!" he cried as the marines shoved him along the corridor once more. "I'm Lee Adama! I'm the CAG on this ship! I'm a frakking human! Where's Starbuck? Where's my father? Take me to my father now!"

His senses reeled as a punch knocked his head sideways. Blood poured from his nose and he turned sideways to spit more blood from his mouth. And that was when he saw it. Saw him. Lee blinked his eyes. He must be seeing things. A man who could be his identical twin was being escorted by armed guards towards the brig. Lee stared. It couldn't be. It couldn't. There was some mistake. There had to be.

But the sight of his double did not disappear however much Lee tried to clear his vision, instead it was brought towards him. As the copy approached, it turned to Lee and spoke sadly, "Tell Kara I'm sorry." And then it was pushed around the corner and was gone.

Lee lay back in the gurney, a combination of the shock and his already weakened state overwhelming him. He shook his head again as the marines continued to push him to the sickbay. This was all a nightmare. A terrible nightmare and he would wake up any second. But an icy sickness hit the pit of his stomach and he knew there was no waking up from this. And, at that moment, all that remained inside him was a single hope, the same hope that had kept him going when he lay in his dark captivity. Kara. She would know he wasn't a cylon. She would save him from this and beat the frak out of Tigh and all those who hadn't believed him in the process.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he was pushed into the sickbay. "Kara," he whispered, as if trying to summon her to him. But when he opened her eyes and she wasn't there, he started to scream. "Kara!" he cried. "Kara, help me! Help me! Kara! Please!"

Dr Cottle arrived and injected something into Lee's arm, doing his best to avoid eye contact as he did so. But Lee didn't care any more, Kara would be on her way, and he continued to scream for her until finally the doctor's sedative took hold and he slipped back into unconsciousness.

But Kara never came.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

When he opened his eyes again, it took a few moments for Lee to remember where he was. Then the horror of being called a cylon hit him and he looked anxiously around the bed once more. Kara was still not there and Lee's next emotion was a flood of anxiety in case something bad had happened to her as well. But there was his father, sitting by his bedside, holding his hand, and with a near imperceptible smile formed on his lips.

"Hello son." The Commander spoke softly. "How are you feeling?"

It took Lee a few moments for his words to sink in. "Son." he whispered. "You called me son."

His father nodded slowly. "Dr. Baltar's test results came back an hour ago. They confirmed that we have a cylon imposter of you in the brig. And they confirmed that you are my son." Lee could have sworn he saw tears in his eyes.

Lee closed his own eyes and took deep breaths as the initial relief hit him. Then, as it faded, he became painfully aware of his weakness once more. He was tired, so tired, and he could not understand why.

"Dad," he croaked. "What's happened to me?"

William looked at his son sadly. "I was hoping you could tell me that." he sighed. "The cylon's still not talking. Says it will only cooperate if it gets to talk to you or Starbuck." The Commander's voice hardened at these last words.

Starbuck. Lee's earlier panic returned. "Kara, is she okay Dad? Has she been here?" he asked urgently. "The cylon, he told me to tell her he was sorry for something. What's happened? Is she alright?"

"Kara's okay son. She asked me to pass on her apologies for not visiting you in person." William uncharacteristically fidgeted with his left hand as he spoke, and Lee noticed a silver ring pressed in his palm.

"There's something you're not telling me."

"A lot has happened, Lee." his father replied and Lee noticed for the first time how exhausted his old man looked. But the Commander continued, "First, I'd like you to tell me what's the last thing you remember?"

Lee squeezed his eyes shut in concentration. "Cloud Nine." he answered finally. "The last thing I remember is being on Cloud Nine. You'd signed me off for twenty-four hours R&R. I remember I was drinking at the bar there. And after that it's all hazy. The bartender wouldn't serve me any more, said I was too drunk. And I remember arguing that I couldn't have been drunk because I'd only just arrived there. I'd only had a couple of drinks." he paused, trying to conjure up more memories, then continued. "There was someone else there too, said they'd help me to my room 'cos I couldn't walk properly." he looked slightly embarrassed at his father at this admission, and shook his head as if to clear the fog.

"I don't remember who it was. I don't remember anything after that." Lee finally admitted, staring hard at the bed sheets, not wanting to meet his father's gaze. "Just images," he continued. "Nightmares. It was dark. And I was cold. And I couldn't move. I couldn't." his voice trailed off and he buried his face in his hands. He'd been helpless. He'd not been strong enough. He had let his father down. "I'm sorry." he whispered.

Strong arms enveloped his now wasted frame as his father held him close. "You have nothing to be sorry for son." the Commander whispered into his hair. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

They remained like that for some minutes before the Commander gently lay Lee down on the bed again. Then he stared at Lee, as if trying to decide how best to proceed.

"Son," he spoke finally, "your visit to Cloud City was just over 3 months ago."

"Three months!" Lee cried. "But," he couldn't continue. Thoughts raced through his mind as the implications of this sank in. He had been gone three months. And a cylon imposter had taken his place all that time. And none of them had realized! They hadn't even known he was gone! Nobody had worried about him, nobody had missed him. Nobody had even cared. Because they'd had a cylon with them instead. And nobody had been able to tell the frakking difference!

Lee threw his head back on the pillow. He felt consumed with betrayal. How could they not have known.

"Lee," the Commander said gently and tried to stroke his son's hair only to have his hand swiped away. "Son," he continued. " I know this must be difficult."

"Difficult!" Lee interrupted. "You've just told me that a cylon has been walking around in my place for the past 3 months and you didn't even know. Some father! You couldn't even tell the difference between your own son and a frakking cylon!"

"I'm sorry son." William's eyes brimmed with emotion once more. "I'm very sorry. I know this must be hard for you to hear. But he didn't do anything suspicious. I couldn't have known."

"He! You're calling it a 'he' now are you? It's a machine! A frakking toaster!" Lee lay back, too exhausted to continue shouting. "Kara" he murmured weakly, "she'd have known. I know she'd have known. Where is she?"

The Commander looked down at his hands, at the ring that lay in his palm, and sighed deeply once more. "I didn't want to have to tell you this Lee. Not yet."

The muscles in Lee's jaw clenched tighter as he glared at his father. "Tell me what." he asked tightly, fighting down the rising panic about Kara again.

"Son," William began, seeking the right words. "You and Kara. Lee, I don't know how to tell you this, but you and Kara, you were engaged. You proposed to her just last week. Or at least the cylon did."

Lee paused as he let this new revelation sink in. "And she said yes?" he asked quietly.

"Yes." The Commander handed Lee the ring he'd been holding, now warm from his palm. "It's your ring." he continued. "He had it made smaller so it would fit her as an engagement ring. When Kara found out what had happened earlier she asked me to give it back to you, make up some excuse so you wouldn't have to find out just yet."

"Oh, so she's happy to be engaged to a cylon but not to me?" Lee exploded bitterly.

"Son, it wasn't like that."

But Lee wasn't listening. It bad enough that his own father couldn't tell the difference between him and a cylon. But Kara! However screwed up their relationship may be, she was the one person that he needed to survive in this frakked up universe. She was the one person he had to count on. He remembered how certain he'd been during his captivity that Kara was out there looking for him. When all along she was frakking some cylon instead. He groaned at the thought of her in bed with that monster. Jealousy consumed him. It didn't matter that the cylon looked like him. All that mattered was that, once again, Kara Thrace had chosen someone else above him. He was a fool.

He closed his eyes again as the pain of it hit him, the ring pressed so hard in his hand that it cut the flesh.

"Son," the Commander tried to get through to him once more. "Please."

"Get out." Lee answered coldly, not meeting his father's eye.

The Commander walked slowly to the curtain before turning back to his son. "I know you can't hear this now Lee. But I'm sorry you think I let you down. I'm sorry I didn't know the difference. But you, the two of you, you just looked so happy. And I was just so pleased to see you finally happy."

"Get out!" Lee screamed, hurling the ring after his father, who with one last look, turned and left.

Lee lay back down on the bed. Closing his eyes once more he prayed to be unconscious again.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Lee told the medics not to allow any visitors to see him. He blamed the fact that he needed his rest, but the truth was he just couldn't bare anyone to see him this way, not yet. It wasn't just that his body felt weak, but he looked it as well, his muscles having wasted after three months of what he presumed had been starvation. But most importantly he felt a fool. For far, far more reasons than he could count, even whilst lying on a hospital bed with nothing better to do.

He was forced to admit that a lot of those reasons came back to Kara. Lee knew he was angry with her for not being by his side when he needed her. Just as he would be angry if she failed to come to him now. Yet he also knew that he would be furious with her if she did turn up. Therefore it seemed best to keep everyone out. That way, he wouldn't have to deal with whether she came to see or not. And that way, Lee hoped, he could hold on to his control a little longer.

'You're one frakked up son of a bitch Lee, you know that.' he had sworn to himself after he ordered the medic to draw his curtain and let no-one near. But it was better this way he assured himself. This way, nobody could touch him. This way they couldn't keep hurting him. And Lee wished it was as easy to lock people out of your heart as it was out of your room.

But Lee had overlooked one thing when he forged his plan. And he had just started to drift to sleep when the commotion started.

"I'm going to see him right frakking now!" It was her. Kara's voice was unmistakable and he felt his heart pound from the sudden start.

Paramedic Ishay came bursting through the curtain. "I'm sorry sir," she stammered. "I told her you weren't allowing visitors."

And there she was. Beautiful. Vulnerable. Kara.

Their eyes met but Lee couldn't bear it. He looked away sharply. It was too much. He wasn't ready yet, wasn't strong enough. He needed to stay in control. He needed to shut everything else out, especially the mixed feelings that Kara aroused. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, drawing into his chest all his pain and confusion, and locked them there. And when he breathed out again he was left with only anger.

"Lee." He heard her say. It sounded almost a plea.

Lee swallowed hard. "I gave orders not to have any visitors." The coldness in his voice surprised even him.

"Well, I disobeyed your orders." Big green eyes never strayed from him as she continued. "It's not the first time. Throw me in the brig why don't you."

But this wasn't the time to be flippant with Lee.

"You'd probably like that, wouldn't you," he spat. "But then again I guess you'd do anything right now to be nearer your new boyfriend."

He got a strange satisfaction from seeing that his words had their intended effect. Kara took a step back from him as if he had physically punched her.

"OK, this was a bad idea," she murmured, fidgeting with her finger as she spoke. Lee looked down at her hand and the finger she absent-mindedly rubbed. Was that where her engagement ring had sat? The thought only fueled his bitterness.

"Too damn right it was a bad idea. What did you expect? That you could just waltz in here and all would be forgiven? That I'd forget you'd been frakking a cylon for the past 3 months? I mean, I know you always had trouble keeping your pants on, Kara, but I didn't think even you'd sink that low."

"Lee…" It was all she said. Lee looked into her eyes. They brimmed with tears and smoldered with anger and Lee didn't know if she was about to cry or punch him. He found himself hoping it was the latter. The physical pain would be a welcome distraction from the ache inside. But she did neither, she just stood there trembling, eyes to the ground, accepting his punishing words and waiting for more.

Lee couldn't stand it.

"I'm ordering you to get out of here right now." he told her in his same precise, icy tone. "And I want you to stay the hell away from me in future. In fact, you will not speak to me unless I address you first or you are obeying a direct order. Is that understood?"

Kara raised her eyes to him once more. "Lee, please, just let me explain for once."

"I said, is that understood!"

Kara fell quiet and gave a small nod.

"Dismissed."

And with that Kara gave a salute and ran.


	4. Chapter 4

It was another week before Lee was allowed to leave the sickbay. It seemed Kara had obeyed orders for once and left him alone, though there were several times when he thought he heard her quiet murmuring outside with Doc Cottle. However, his only visitor had been his father, who the medics had been unwilling to refuse entry. Lee had reached an uneasy truce with the Commander during these visits, and they tended to go quite well, provided they stuck to discussing work. But this didn't surprise Lee, for work had always been what his father was best at.

The cylon copy remained in the brig. He knew his father had not executed it out of fear of what it might transmit to back to the cylons. He also knew his father feared that there might be other copies of Lee out there. It was a dread Lee shared in his every nightmare.

He was restricted to non-combat duty until further notice and so threw himself into his paperwork with a pretence of enthusiasm. In reality though, he just relished the chance to escape to his CAG's office and be away from the officers' quarters for long periods of time. In fact, it wasn't long before he began to sleep on the sofa there as well. He slept fitfully there, his mind full of images of the cylon using the same sofa, of the cylon and Kara on the sofa together. In fact, he bet there wasn't a corner of this office they hadn't frakked in. He knew he'd secretly fantasized about it enough. And after all, hadn't the cylon gone out of its way to live Lee's life much better than Lee ever did! Yet Lee still slept better in his office than in his rack. There, it was too enclosed, and he didn't want to be in such close contact with anyone right now. Especially not Kara. He had already spent too many nights just staring at her rack. No, he needed to shut himself away and lock everyone else out.

Being the man who drew up the flight rosters, Lee knew Kara's schedule off by heart, and so it was easy for him to time his public appearances for when she was occupied elsewhere. His particular concern was the gym, a favorite haunt of them both. So he spent hours pounding the punch bag when he knew she was out on patrol. He would picture his cylon copy standing there instead of the bag and throw all his hate and pain into his punches. There were crazed moments when this image got confused and it felt that the only one he was beating to a pulp was himself. And he sometimes imagined it was Kara he was punching. Lee hated himself for it.

Tigh had insisted that Starbuck and his copy never fly on duty together due to their relationship. This gave Lee the perfect excuse to continue with the same old routine when he was eventually returned to active duty. He didn't feel safe out there without her as his wingman but didn't care. Shutting everyone out had left him feeling that he had nothing left to lose. Including, it seemed, his life.

It was more difficult though when he was in the CIC and could hear to her out there over the comlink. He couldn't shut out the sound of her voice when it was broadcast across the room. And he couldn't shut out the fear and helplessness he still felt on the occasions they fell under attack and he wasn't by her side in a viper. Instead, he would turn his fear into anger, blaming Kara for whatever foolhardy stunt she had just pulled that had made him scared for her in the first place. That way he could pretend he was just feeling the normal CAG reaction to a reckless, insubordinate pilot. And nothing more.

Lee had also started to drink heavily off duty. He was short tempered and overly-demanding of his crew and he knew their resentment of him was growing by the day. But Lee didn't care. He resented them in turn for the way they tip-toed around him since his return, some looking wary, some just awkward, but some even looking scared. There were those who did still treat him as normal, people like Helo and the Chief, but Lee kept pushing them away regardless. He even recognized that he was hitting self destruct. He knew it wouldn't be long now before he broke. But knowing that still wasn't enough to stop him. It was quite the opposite.

"Bring it on!" He would yell into the skies as he challenged yet another raider. "Just bring it on!"

So it was inevitable then that he would finally explode, one way or another. And so he did. It started one night when he went down to the hanger bay for more of the Chief's home brew. There he found a handful of specialists hanging around chatting as usual. And he overheard one joke that they'd been better off when they'd had a cylon as a CAG. It was all it took.

Cally was the unfortunate one to be nearest his grasp. He grabbed her by the arm and pushed her against the nearby viper.

"What did you say! What did you say!"

A strong arm punched him in the face and he was thrown to the ground. He fell easily, his balance alcohol impaired, and swore at the Chief who was now standing over him.

"Should have known you'd frakking stick up for them." he spat, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth. "I'll have you in the brig for that, Chief."

"Sir," the Chief responded as calmly as possible. "You're drunk. You need to go back to your rack and sober up." He looked down at the CAG and shook his head. "And then you need to go get your act together before you go killing yourself or one of your pilots. You can't go on like this, sir."

"You don't know what the frak you're talking about."

"Maybe not," the Chief maintained his composure as he helped pick Lee up from the ground and leant him against the viper. He then whispered closely, "But I do know what it's like to have a cylon frak with your mind. And I do know what this is doing to Starbuck right now. She could never have known that wasn't you, sir. Believe me, I know. Look, everyone can see the way you two are behaving and what it's doing to you both. You need to sort it out, sir, and fast."

"Don't tell me what to do, you cylon frakker." Lee slurred and went to return the punch, but the combined effect of too much alcohol and the Chief's earlier swipe got the better of him and he sank down on the floor and passed out.

He had a rude awakening. A large bucket of iced water was thrown over his head and Lee leapt to his feet, hangover or no hangover. He looked around to yell at the perpetrator but stopped short when he was met with a furious glare. His father was holding the bucket.

"Would you mind telling me the meaning of your behavior here?" The Commander clipped.

Lee looked around in confusion, trying to remember just how he came to wake up soaking wet at the foot of a viper. As hazy memories came flooding back, he could think of nothing to say that would appease his Commander right now and hung his head in shame.

"You are the CAG." The Commander continued. "And you are my son. I will not tolerate this kind of behavior from you. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Lee replied, feeling utterly ashamed.

"Lee, I know I can't understand what this has been like for you. I know that nobody can. But this is not you, son. You are so much more than this. Now, I've given you time for your body to heal and I've given you even longer for you to sort that head out of yours. But the time has come when I can't let this go on anymore. This stops now. I need my CAG back." He placed his hand under Lee's chin and tilted his face so Lee was forced to make eye contact. "And I want my son back."

The Commander's words jolted Lee even more than the iced water.

"Now, first I want you to go and change. Then you're to report to the brig. The cylon is still insisting that there's certain information he'll only give to you and Starbuck. And I've picked you. I've let you wait long enough before asking you to do this. Maybe too long. I want a report on my desk by the end of the day. Dismissed."

Lee saluted his father and stood watching him as he walked back towards the CIC. He knew his father was right. He had to interrogate the cylon. It was his duty. But it was also much more important than that. Lee Adama had to confront his demon once and for all. It was time.

To be continued …


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Lee paused to compose himself before entering the brig. Once inside, he saw the cylon lying on its back in the cell, head resting on its hands as it stared at the ceiling. Lee caught his breath as he looked at his double. He had pictured this moment so many times, yet still found himself unprepared for the shock of seeing an identical twin before him again. He searched for an outward difference between them, but found none, except Lee had still to regain some of his previous muscle definition. But appearances were deceptive. There was still no excuse for not realizing the differences that lay beneath the skin.

He stepped towards the windowed partition and picked up the telephone receiver. The cylon remained motionless so he gave one loud bang on the cell wall. At that, his copy turned its head towards him and raised its eyebrows as if in mild surprise. Slowly swinging its legs off the bed it rose and strode towards Lee, picking up the other end of the receiver.

"So you came. I was starting to think you weren't going to show." The cylon spoke calmly. It was Lee's voice.

Identical blue eyes stared at each other through the cell partition. The same jaw muscles clenched and unclenched as they engaged in a battle of the wills, each determined not to be the first to back away. But Lee's anger got the better of him and he began to tremble with the effort to control his hate.

"You wanted to talk to me," he forced his voice low and restrained. "So talk."

The cylon tilted its head, as if surveying Lee some more. "I knew you would react like this."

Lee clenched his jaws further in an attempt to control his emotions. "I didn't come here to listen your psychobabble. I came to obtain intel on the cylons."

The copy shook its head. "No, that's not what you really want to know."

"What the frak do you know about what I want!" Lee exploded, banging the telephone receiver against the partition. "You are not me! You know nothing about me!"

The cylon let out a low laugh. "Lee," it continued, then paused as it studied Lee once more. "You know, it feels strange to be calling you my own name."

Lee's knuckles turned white as he gripped the receiver. "It is not your name." he whispered, his chest heaving as he battled to remain in control. "You are not me!"

The copy laughed infuriatingly at him again. "So you keep saying. But that's where you're wrong, Lee. I am you. Our DNA is matched exactly. Your memories are my memories. Your emotions are my emotions. I hate those you hate." It looked up at Lee, sudden emotion running through its eyes, as it continued. "And I love those you love."

Lee gripped the receiver even harder at those last words. He struggled to regain composure before continuing. "I came here for intel on the cylons. You can start by telling me about the plan to kidnap me and by telling me the names of whoever else was involved."

"I don't know about any of those things. They weren't my job." It replied simply, almost sadly Lee thought.

"Then why don't you tell me just exactly what you job was?"

The cylon studied him again before answering. "After activation I was to take your place on the Battlestar Galactica for a predetermined time. During that time I was to expand on the cylons existing intelligence by obtaining as much data as possible about the Galactica, its personnel and the Fleet in general. At the end of that time it was always the intention that you were to be discovered alive and my identity as a cylon revealed. This was the main purpose of the mission. The cylons wanted to ensure that everyone would know what they are now capable of, that they can infiltrate any position in the Fleet without suspicion. That Baltar's one-off blood tests are meaningless because they can replace any one of you at any time. They picked you as a target because you're the Commander's son and the President's confident. And they're the two people whose minds they want to mess with the most. The aim was to demonstrate that nobody can be trusted, however close to you they are. And to increase the sense of fear and mistrust throughout the Fleet."

It seemed like a logical cylon plan. But one thing didn't make sense to Lee. "You keep referring to the cylons as 'them'," he pointed out. "In case you forgot, you're one of them!"

The cylon shook his head. "There's something you need to understand Lee." Blue eyes locked urgently into his own, as if the copy was willing them to make a connection. "I am considered by the cylons to be a failed experiment." It paused as it let the impact of these words sink in. "Their logic in inventing a 13th model was sound. I can adapt within 24 hours to the DNA of any chosen subject. I was designed to solve the obvious flaw of the existing models, where once one copy is identified as a cylon then the cover of all the other copies is compromised too. After all, the cylons never cease in their pursuit of evolution. And I am a by-product of that, version one of model 13. Their first attempt on a new path to shape shifting if you will."

"So how did you fail?" Lee's curiosity was roused despite himself.

"Because there's one thing they failed to consider, Lee. They were too successful. They copied you too well."

Lee shook his head. "I don't understand."

"Think about it Lee. I already told you I'm your exact match. That means that every memory I hold, every instinct I have, they all tell me that I hate the cylons, that they're the enemy, just as much as yours do. Quite a conflict with my programming don't you think?" It laughed hollowly.

"Seems like you still did a good enough job to me."

'No, Lee," the cylon continued softly, finally breaking eye contact and looking down to the ground. "I'd failed the cylons by my second day here. From the first time they sent in a raider to pick up my intel." It looked up once more, and Lee could have sworn there was pain in its eyes. "And that's where Kara fits into this."

Bang! Lee smashed the phone against the partition once more. "You don't get to say her name!"

The cylon laughed bitterly. "I knew it! I knew it!" it exclaimed. "You really are the most stubborn, self-centered, self-righteous son of a bitch, you know that?" It laughed again as Lee stood furiously. "I knew you'd react this way. Still as jealous as hell behind her back. But I bet you've not spoken to her once since you came back! Have you?"

It was Lee's turn to look to the ground, as he remembered that one, painful, conversation with Kara in the sickbay. The cylon accepted his look as an answer.

"No," it continued icily, "you've been punishing her instead, haven't you? You've taken every insecurity, every bitter thought that's been twisting you inside and thrown them right at her. 'Cos as long as you keep blaming her so you don't have to start blaming yourself, right. And you're making damn sure that whatever pain you're in, she's in even more."

"You don't know anything about me!" Lee yelled once more. But this time he couldn't look at the cylon. This time he was wasn't so sure.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Lee? I know more about you than anyone else on this ship. I am you!"

"That's not true. That's not true!"

"Lee!" But the cylon's anger suddenly abated and when it spoke again it was with a quiet urgency. "Lee, you need to let me talk to you about Kara. Lee," it continued quickly as Lee started to lose control once more. "Please just listen. This is my gift to you Lee. You need to hear this. Please."

Lee felt lost. His need to hurt the cylon now mixed with a perverse desire to hear what it had to say about her. Finally, he decided. "Okay then. Tell me."

The cylon sighed once more. "I spent my first day on the Galactica avoiding her. The thought of her made me feel vulnerable somehow. I wasn't sure I was ready for the challenge, I thought she'd see right through me. But then there she was. I saw her. And I'll never forget the way my heart leapt, Lee, it was amazing."

"You don't have a heart." Lee retorted bitterly, but the cylon ignored him.

"Then the second day," it continued, "that was the day of the raider attack. The cylons were scheduled to intercept the fleet to pick up my transmission. I was to confirm my successful activation plus pass on whatever useful intel I'd already gathered. I was in the CIC at the time. The nuggets had been out on patrol when the attack happened and we, the Fleet I mean, we were taking heavy losses. Then Kara went out as one of the alert fighters. And that's when I knew, Lee. Those pilots were dying because of me. Kara was about to risk her life because of me. And I just couldn't let it happen."

The cylon ran its hands through its hair, seeking the right words before it continued. "I left my post in the CIC. I think they thought I'd gone mad. I raced to the hanger deck, got in a viper and flew as fast as I could to help the other pilots. And that's when I saw her. She'd lost a wing, her engine looked shot to bits and her systems were failing. She was a sitting duck just waiting to be finished off by those raiders. I could see the missiles heading towards her. You know, I don't think she even knew I was out there with her. But I heard her. I heard her, Lee! I heard her say what she thought were going to be her last words."

"What, what were they?" Lee asked tightly, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer. This was not what he had expected when the copy had begun its story.

The cylon looked him straight in the eye as he responded. "She said, 'I love you Lee'."

Lee gasped, heart beating wildly at this revelation. He swallowed tightly, unable to talk.

"But I got there in time," the cylon went on. "I blew those cylon frakkers out of the sky and brought our girl home safe." And at these words a sudden flame of recognition burned between them.

"Then I saw her on the hanger deck. And she was whole. And she was safe. And I knew I was going to do everything in my power to keep her that way. There was no thinking at that point, no analyzing the situation. I just ran up and grabbed her and I never let her go. I told her I loved her too, Lee. And it was the truth. I love her. I love her because you love her. And it suddenly became so simple."

'Simple?" Lee choked back his emotion.

"Yes, Lee, simple. How long are you going to deny yourself happiness? You come up with so many excuses not to be with her. Your rank. Zak. You tell yourself it would be disloyal to Zak if you were together. But that's bullshit and you know it. You're scared. Your insecurity eats at you. You just can't bear the thought that she might compare you to him. And that you might not measure up. Or maybe that she was only with you in the first place because you remind her of him? Isn't that right?"

The cylon paused as it looked into Lee's eyes once more. "And now I bet you're just as insecure about me. That it's some frakked up cylon version of you she loves and not you. You're as jealous as hell because I've had her and you haven't. And you can't bear the thought that, if you're ever with her, you just might not compare."

"But this is what I'm trying to tell you Lee," his copy pressed on. "Your world has already ended. So what are you waiting for? What else have you got to lose? To fear? Other than losing her! Cos I tell you one thing, if you keep this up it won't be long before you do. I know Kara. I bet she's out there every day flying like some suicidal maniac and just praying the time will come when she can end it all in some damn heroic blaze of glory. And what are you going to do then ,Lee? What are you going to do when there's no-one left to punish but yourself?"

Lee's control was fading. Tears stung his eyes. But he had to hold on to his anger. "You don't know Kara." he shook.

"That's where you're wrong, Lee. I know more about her than you've ever bothered to find out. Tell me," the copy challenged, "in all those talks you've had with her about that dysfunctional family of yours, did you ever bother to ask her about her own? Now, don't lie Lee, it's a rhetorical question. Remember I already know the answer, I'm filled with every one of your damn memories! And I know for a fact that you've never asked her. So Lee, did Kara have a happy childhood? What were her parents like? What made her the woman she is today? Where did all those frakking walls she puts up come from in the first place? Tell me!"

It was the cylon's turn to tremble with anger now. "I'm sorry," it said, as it calmed down once more. "But please, just don't tell me that I don't know or love Kara. I've spent the past 3 months doing nothing else."

The cylon now turned to Lee with haunted eyes. "I thought about killing you, you know. It would have been easy enough to do while you were captured. And then I could have stayed with her forever. But I couldn't bring myself do it. So I always knew that one day you'd be found. And I knew that I'd be uncovered and that Kara would get hurt. So I tried to make up for it, tried to fit in a whole lifetime of love into every second we had together. Because I never knew when it would be our last. And you don't know that either Lee. So please, stop wasting each others' lives before it's too late."

"I, I don't know where to start." Lee faltered. His anger had abandoned him and he felt tired and confused as he pressed his head against the partition for relief.

"Start by remembering what she said in that cockpit. Start by remembering that you're the one she said she loved."

The cylon made a move to hang up the receiver, but then paused and brought the phone to its mouth once more. "There's one more thing Lee," it continued. "Please tell your father that the cylons have taken my model back to the drawing board so to speak. Make sure he knows that there are no other copies of me out there right now. And tell him that I've been cut off the cylon network, that I can't send any more transmissions."

Lee nodded. "I will." He croaked hoarsely.

"And please. Please tell Kara that I'm sorry."

Then the cylon slowly hung up the receiver and returned to his bed. And Lee knew he had looked into identical blue eyes for the last time.

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

Lee sighed as he put down his pen. The easy part was over. He had written up the report of his meeting with the cylon like his father had ordered. It was brief, citing only the few aspects of their conversation that were relevant to the fleet. He knew though that it would be heeding the cylon's advice, so carefully omitted from his report, that would be the difficult part. Lee thought back to the cylon's words. _Start by remembering what she said in that cockpit. Start by remembering that you're the one she said she loved._ But it was easier said than done. Since his rescue, Lee knew he had cut himself off from everyone and everything he still cared about. It had been a deliberate and painful act of self-preservation. But Lee now acknowledged that it had been the wrong path to follow. It had left him empty and bitter. It had driven him to jeopardize his position by so uncharacteristically lashing out at his subordinates. And it had driven Kara away from him, for what he was sure must be for good.

A flash of anger enveloped him as he thought about Kara again. The cylon had made it all sound so god damn simple! But how could anything with Kara ever be straight forward. Nothing ever was. Lee shook his head with frustration and looked down at his desk once more. Tomorrow's flight roster lay before him. Flying. That was the one thing that had ever been simple between them. It was the one part of their relationship that worked. Out there they were a seamless team. And maybe, just maybe, if he put that team back together again it would be a first step to fixing everything else as well. He scrawled their names side by side on the schedule and sat back with a sigh of satisfaction. At least it was a start to making things right, however small. He knew his father had been right earlier, Lee had got lost. And it was time he found his way back home again.

He jumped out of his chair, with what, compared to lately, was an unusual vigour, and went to hand in his report and post tomorrow's roster. On the way back to his office he passed the senior officers' quarters and paused. The sofa in his office was not exactly comfortable. Perhaps it was time he returned to sleep with his crewmates and stopped cutting himself off from them all. He pressed his hand to the door and went to push it open but stopped again when he heard a familiar laughter inside.

"One step at a time Lee," he murmured to himself as he turned away and continued to his office. "One step at a time."

The next day Lee tried to catch a moment with Kara before their flight duty together. Although he had no idea what to say to her, he at least wanted to lift his ridiculous order forbidding her to speak to him. But it seemed that Starbuck had become as much of an expert in avoiding him as he was in avoiding her. She no longer sat on the front row in the briefing room, but instead had taken to uncharacteristically skulking at the back, avoiding eye contact and escaping through the exit as soon as he finished talking. Later, she had already been in her viper ready to take off when he arrived on the flight deck, and he could hardly carry out a conversation with her in the air with the whole of the CIC listening in. Still, he had to admit there was something comforting about just being out there with her again, despite the silence. It was, he felt, a step in the right direction.

It was already evening when Lee found her. He had decided it was finally time he entered the senior officers' quarters, determined to try and make at least some amends for his recent actions. But the sight in front of him stopped him in his tracks. There was Kara. Sobbing. Helo's arms were wrapped around her as he rocked her back and forth on her rack, whispering into her hair that everything was going to be alright. Lee took an involuntary step back. He had never seen Kara cry before, not even when Zak had died. And here she was, crying into another man's arms as if there was to be no tomorrow. Lee stood and stared at them. He was filled with a mix of concern, a desire to comfort her and a jealous fury that it was Helo holding her and not him. Eventually he took a step towards the rack.

"Kara?" he whispered. He crouched down by her side and put a hand out to stroke her hair, then pulled it back with a sigh. He didn't know what he should do, what he should say.

But Helo had no such uncertainty.

"You should get out of here, sir" he said tensely. "She doesn't need any more of your shit right now. Can't you see she's got enough on her plate? Why don't you just leave her the frak alone?"

Lee pulled himself upright. He was damned if he was going to let this jumped up cylon-frakker of a lieutenant tell him what to do where his Kara was concerned. But a strong hand rested on his shoulder and restrained him.

"Gentlemen." It was his father's voice behind him. "I'm here to speak with Starbuck. Please can you leave us alone for a moment."

Lee and Helo continued to glare at each other, each unwilling to be the first to leave Kara.

"Apollo. Helo," the Commander continued. "That was an order, not a request. Do I need to repeat it?"

"No, sir." The two men responded and Lee reluctantly turned to leave the room. As he looked back, he saw Helo disentangle himself from Kara and whisper in her ear once more. He stubbornly waited for Helo to leave the rack first before following him out, taking one last look at Kara's tear stained face as his father approached her. Then he shut the door behind him.

"What the frak was that all about?" Concern mixed with anger in Lee's voice as he snapped at Helo.

"Don't you know, sir? I mean it was all thanks to you anyway!" There was no confusion in Helo's voice. He was furious.

"What the frak are you talking about?"

"The cylon. That report you did after you met with him yesterday!" Helo shook his head in an effort to regain control as he turned to Lee once more. "The old man just had him executed. Apparently it was no longer considered a risk to kill him. Apparently you told them he couldn't transmit anything back to the rest of the cylons."

Lee nodded. His copy had known this would happen. Lee thought it was why he had told him in the first place. For some reason he had wanted to be executed. And Lee had known this would be the result of his report, he just hadn't expected it to happen so quickly.

He turned to Helo and couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. "So what, Kara's in there missing her little fiancé then?"

"You son of a bitch!" Wham! Helo's punch struck Lee's jaw and Lee reacted immediately with a strike of his own.

The two men stood and glared at each other once more, Helo wiping the blood from his nose and Lee rubbing the split eyebrow that was going to lead to a beautiful black eye.

"I shouldn't have said that about Kara." Lee finally began, hanging his head. "I just..." he paused, struggling to find the right words, then let out another sign of frustration. "Frak, I don't know." He slammed his fist on the wall. "I don't know what the frak I'm doing any more." he admitted, more to himself than to Helo.

"Kara was there, Apollo. She was there at the execution. Her and the old man." Helo began to explain. "It was the first time she'd visited him since you came back, you know. The first time they got to talk. And I think maybe it helped. Or will have helped, in the long run at least. But I don't think she can see that right now. I mean right now she just watched the man she loved be executed."

"He was a cylon." Lee whispered tiredly.

"He was you Apollo. Just stop and think about it for a minute will you. Think about what it must have been like for her and the Commander to watch you die like that. Whether it was the real you or a copy of you or whatever, I don't care. He still looked like you, still acted like you. So you tell me how that's not going to haunt them. 'Cos it would sure as hell frak me up. Just stop and think about it will you."

Lee turned back to stare at the closed door. His father and the woman he now admitted he loved were in there together. And what were they doing? Mourning him? Or at least that frakking copy of him that they all seemed to have loved so much. While they left him, the real Lee, locked out on the other side of the door. Alone. Maybe the cylon should have killed him and taken his place after all. Everyone would have been a damn sight happier.

It was all too frakked up for him to deal with right now. His one step forward now felt more like a giant leap backwards again.

"I'll be in my office if anyone needs me." he told Helo, and turned away down the corridor as Helo slid down the wall and waited for the door to open.

to be continued...


	7. Chapter 7

Lee was lying wide awake on the sofa when his father entered the office.

"Lee," he called softly. "I think it's time we had another talk, don't you?"

Lee sat up slowly and his father let out a soft chuckle as he saw the black eye forming on his face.

"From the looks of things you and Helo had quite the bonding session when you stepped outside," he spoke calmly. "Perhaps one of these days you gentlemen might want to consider actually telling Starbuck how much you care for her, rather than trying to prove it by punching each other behind her back." With that, the Commander proceeded to sit down next to Lee on the sofa.

Lee did not respond and so his father continued regardless. "Son, I know I'm in no position to go giving advice to others when it comes to love. And you could argue that I'm not the most qualified person to be handing out fatherly advice either," he paused as he turned to look Lee in the eye. "So I'm just going to tell you what actually happened tonight and let's see what you make of it then. What do you think?"

Lee still didn't speak, but gave a small nod of his head which his father took as a sign to continue.

"I went to see the cylon last night, as soon as I read your report. He asked me then to execute him, Lee. You know, I think he did it because he wanted to help us. But I want you to know something. I want you to know that I would have done it anyway. I'd made my decision once I'd read your report and knew it posed no threat. Because however much he looked like you, however much he acted like you, he was not my son. You are Lee. Never forget that."

Lee looked up at his father, fighting to contain his emotions, as the Commander continued.

"Executing him might not have been the humane decision. I don't know. I just know I couldn't let there be a duplicate of my son out there any longer. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe I was just being selfish. I think maybe I was. But I want to see you happy again, Lee. The most important thing to me right now is to see you able to get on with your life. And I'm not sure you could have done while there was a cylon copy of you down there in the brig, are you?"

"I guess not." Lee murmured in response, struggling to meet his father's eyes as he thought about his recent behaviour.

"The cylon asked to speak to Starbuck before the execution. It was his only request. I didn't tell her until she got back from her flight rotation today. Oh, and by the way, it was good to see the two of you flying together again this afternoon."

He paused to squeeze Lee's shoulder, then continued. "When I told her, she insisted on being there for the execution itself. That meant I was there when they had their talk, I heard what he had to say to her. He told her then why he'd chosen to die, explained that he'd asked to be executed. Said it was for her, so she could get on with her life and be happy again. I think he hoped that with him gone the two of you could sort things out. I think he really loved her. He just wanted what was best for her."

The Commander let out a deep sigh. "I don't know how much of that Starbuck really took in," he continued. "You know what she's like, she's so hung up that all of this is her fault in the first place. Reckons she should have known it wasn't you from the start. Reckons she should have been out there trying to rescue you with one of her harebrained missions."

"She thinks that?" Lee's voice broke slightly. He realised he had never stopped to think about this from any point of view but his own.

The Commander looked at Lee with an incredulous sympathy. "Of course she does, son. And it's been killing her. Can't you see that? And now, on top of all that, she feels guilty that the cylon was executed because of her. She keeps taking on all these burdens. It's no wonder she finally cracked tonight."

Lee stared hard at the floor before speaking again. "Is she ok?" he asked hesitantly. "Tonight, when you left her, was she ok again?"

"She'd stopped crying." The Commander replied sadly. "She said she was fine. But you know Starbuck. I gave orders to Helo to come and get me if that changes, just incase."

He let out another heavy sigh before continuing. "You know, it was just the two of us with the cylon at the end. And there's something else you should know Lee. I pulled the trigger myself. I was the one that killed him. It felt like the right thing to do, I couldn't let anyone else do it. And, cylon or not, whether it was the right thing to do or not, killing someone who looked just like you, whatever he'd done, whatever he was, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

Lee looked at his father as he finished speaking and saw the tears welling in his eyes. He tried to imagine how he would have felt had it been him holding the gun, with his father's image at the end of the barrel. Lee wasn't sure he could have gone through with it. So now it was his turn to lay a hand on his father's shoulder as he pulled the Commander into a tight embrace.

"I just want my children to be happy again," he heard his father murmur as they continued to hug. And, finally, Lee felt he understood.

"I'm going to make it all ok, Dad," Lee promised as they pulled apart. "Everything's going to be ok. I'll speak with Kara, I'm going to sort myself out."

"I know you will, son," his father whispered, patting Lee on the shoulder once more and quickly wiping his eyes. "I know you will."

He got up to leave Lee's office, before turning back at the door. "And son, put some ice on that eye of yours. Then get some sleep. You look like you need it." he ordered, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards almost imperceptibly.

"Yes, sir." Lee replied. And then he rediscovered what it felt like to smile.

To be continued ...


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

Lee went searching for Kara as soon as he woke the following morning. She had left the rack early for her usual run according to Helo who, with only a hint of a grin at Lee's now shining black eye, had assured him that she had seemed much better that morning. Lee made a mental note to deal with Helo's earlier insubordination as soon other matters were less pressing. But right now Kara came first. So he traced her usual jogging route and checked the gym to no avail, then headed down to her other favorite place when she was upset. The flight deck. And, sure enough, there she was, banging at a viper trying to get it into shape again, grease smeared everywhere and cursing loudly and colorfully to herself.

'That's my girl.' Lee chuckled softly to himself, then stood staring at her as he tried to decide what to do next. He thought back to the cylon's words once more. '_I just ran up and grabbed her and I never let her go. I told her I loved her too, Lee. And it suddenly became so simple'_.

Lee scratched his head, he still had difficulty believing the 'simple' part. And he knew any attempt to hug her right now was more likely to end up with him back in sick bay with a million broken bones than with the cylon's happy ever after ending. But then they never had been very good at talking. Maybe hitting him would make her feel better, and he rubbed his already swollen eye ruefully at the thought of his face taking any more punishment. Or maybe this was just one of those occasions when Lee was over-analysing again, after all Kara always had berated him for that.

'OK, Lee,' he chided himself. 'So now you're stood here thinking about whether you think too much. Great start.'

As he continued to stand there in confusion, Kara suddenly looked up as if she had felt him staring at her. Slowly she pulled herself out from under the viper and stared wordlessly back at him. Lee couldn't read the expression in her face. But he didn't think it was hate. Which left him with some hope for the safety of his body parts at least.

He searched again for the right words.

"Hey," he finally spoke, then stopped again. Was that really the best he could come up with? But they were now standing just a few feet apart, and even that one word had choked in his throat, so he made a hesitant attempt at a smile instead.

Kara stood before him now, hands firmly gripped on her hips, but did not speak. And she certainly did not smile back. Lee could feel the energy radiating from her. Gods, this woman was like a walking nuke. And woe betide anyone who got in her way when she exploded. He held her gaze as she stared at him for a few seconds before knocking past him to continue her work. But even that brief contact was enough to make Lee want more. He wanted to do just as the cylon had done. He wanted to grab her and hold her and not let her go. He wanted to keep holding onto her until she bent to his will. No matter how long it took.

He looked at his watch, the two of them were due out on viper rotation shortly. It hardly gave him much time.

"Kara," he began yet again. But she continued to ignore him. Lee shook his head as he remembered his damn order to her back in sick bay. Trust this to be the one time that Kara Thrace decided to live by the rules. He watched as she wiped her hands on her trousers and went to shoulder past him once more to attend to another part of the viper. But this time Lee was quicker and he grabbed her elbow as she went by. She shook him off roughly. Despite himself, Lee was starting to get angry again.

"I am your superior officer and I am talking to you. You will pay attention. Is that understood?" Lee kicked himself for falling back on using their ranks. He was already sure it was a mistake. But she pressed his buttons, made him so frustrated, that it had slipped out before he could stop himself. Some old habits died hard.

Starbuck paused and stared at the ground, her back to Lee. Then she slowly turned around and met Lee's eyes.

"Yes, sir," she answered, her voice strained. Lee noted the dark rings and drawn expression on her face. She looked exhausted. And Lee felt his anger disappear once more.

"I, um, that order I gave you," he began uncertainly. "Back when I was in sick bay. I ordered you not to address me unless I spoke to you or it was a direct order."

Starbuck made no comment but continued to regard him with a steady, unreadable gaze, so Lee continued.

"I think it's time I lifted that order, don't you?"

He held his breath, waiting for her reaction. But he did not expect the one he got.

"As you wish sir. Would that be all?"

Her voice was calm and it threw Lee completely. He had expected to be punched at, yelled at, or maybe, just maybe even make her smile. He missed her laugh. That all-encompassing, body-shaking laugh that could light up an entire room. He'd secretly hoped that they would be able to laugh together at the stupidity of his order. That she would tease him. Find fun in what a frakking idiot he'd been. He'd hoped that as soon as they laughed together again then it would somehow all be okay.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see the Chief watching them as he pretended to tinker with a nearby viper. Lee looked back at Kara sadly. He should have known nothing could ever be that simple.

"Would that be all, sir?" she asked again, with the same unnerving calm.

Lee held her gaze for a moment before responding quietly. "We're on duty in a few minutes. You need to finish up here and get ready."

And, as he turned away, silently berating himself once more, he was just in time to see the Chief look at him and shake his head in despair.

Twenty minutes later and Apollo and Starbuck were out where they belonged, flying in tandem as they took their turn out on the CAP. Flying helped Lee feel calm again, the enormity of space pressing down on him until his own troubles felt small and insignificant by comparison. But his calm was not to last. In fact it was not to last for very long at all.

His first warning came when he saw the flash of enemy contacts on his dradis screen. His second warning came at the sound of Dee's voice over his headphones.

"CAP. This is Galactica. You've got 20, correction 30, now 30 inbound raiders. Bearing 220-115. Speed 7 decimal 4. Range 705 and closing. Alert fighters ready and launching. All vessels preparing for emergency FTL jump. All vipers to perform immediate combat landing on my instruction."

"Copy that Galactica." Apollo responded, his pulse now racing. Thirty raiders. Not even the legendary Starbuck would bet their chances against those odds. They had to pull back towards the Galactica immediately and await the alert fighters for support before engaging the oncoming raiders. It was their only chance.

He barked these orders to Kara.

"Copy that Lee," he heard her respond. She spoke with the same unusual calm as before. It was unnerving. And the way she said his name. Lee shook his head. There was no time to analyse this now he thought, as he pulled his viper into a swift flip and began to pull back towards the oncoming alert fighters. But the uneasy sensation wouldn't leave him. Something wasn't right. And suddenly Lee didn't need any other warning to know what was wrong.

Kara. Kara was no longer by his side. She had ignored his order to turn back towards the fleet. She had gone on alone to take on all 30 raiders by herself.

And she was going to die.

To be continued….


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

"Kara!" Lee screamed over the com. "Kara, what the frak do you think you're doing. You can't take them all on! Pull back now!"

He span his viper around towards their original position. There she was, blasting towards the oncoming raiders. Blasting towards death.

"Frak it Kara! Don't do this! Please!"

"I'm sorry Lee," he thought he heard her answer in a whisper. And she didn't say anything else.

Then his father's voice came over the headset. "Starbuck. What are you doing? Pull back to the alert fighters now. That's an order!"

But Kara didn't pull back. Thirty raiders were speeding towards her. And she was going to take them all head on.

As he sped towards her, Lee remembered the cylon's words. '_Please, stop wasting each other's lives before it's too late.' _Too late. His copy had been right. What had he been waiting for? Their world had already ended. And here they were now, putting their lives on the line each and every day, never knowing when it would be their last. So what did his old insecurities matter? What else did he have to fear now except losing the woman he loved? Maybe he had left it too late. Maybe he never would get to apologise, or tell her that he loved her, or do any of those things that by rights he should have done a long, long time ago. But one thing was for sure. If Kara Thrace was going to die out here today, then Lee Adama was going to die right by her side. After all, it was the only place he belonged.

"Fine, then we take them on together," he told her determinedly. "Let's bring it on."

Kara's angry voice sounded over his headset as she realized what he was intending. "Lee, get the frak out of here right now! This is my fight!"

"Your fight?" Lee began, but there was no time to argue about that now. "No way Kara," he continued. "That isn't how this works. Either the two of us die right here right now or the two of us pull back and we take our chances with the rest of the vipers. One or the other. It's your call. But I am not leaving your side."

"Lee!"

"I'm not pulling back without you, Kara. We do this together." He stared ahead at the oncoming raiders. In a few seconds it wouldn't matter anyway.

"Then frak you!" he heard Kara yell as she span her viper around and retreated towards the approaching alert fighters. And Lee allowed himself a quick sigh of relief before following close on her tail.

He was never quite sure how he survived the ensuing dogfight, he had been so concerned about the possibility of Kara trying to get herself blown up again. Though getting blown up was not exactly difficult to achieve out there. They lost two vipers during the battle itself, and a third during their retreat to the Galactica after the order came for an immediate combat landing. But the cylons had lost more, not that that was any consolation. And Kara had landed safely.

Lee was the first out of his cockpit upon landing. He attended to the pilots, seeing if any needed medical attention. He provided words of comfort and support following the loss of their comrades and subdued congratulations on a fight well fought. All the while though he was aware of Kara and stole a glance towards her whenever he could. There she was now, still sat in her cockpit staring resolutely ahead. Unmoving. He also saw the frantic specialists nudging each other towards her, none of them brave or stupid enough to demand she come down so they could give her viper some much needed attention. Lee would have laughed at the sight had the circumstances been different.

Eventually he had only one pilot left to attend to. And he had left the most difficult to last. Slowly, he walked towards Kara's viper and looked up at where she sat. He had played this scene over and over in his head as he'd flown back to the ship. In his mind he would stride over to Kara's viper and yell at her as he demanded to know what the frak she'd been playing at. Then, before she got to answer, he would take the cylon's advice and grab her and kiss her and not let go. He would tell her he loved her. She would confess she still loved him too. And then would come the happily ever after part.

Lee placed the palms of his hands on her viper, arms outstretched, and closed his eyes as he let out a deep sigh. He should have known it could never be that simple.

"Kara," he called up to her quietly. "Please come down."

He looked up at where she sat. He thought he could see her tremble.

"Is that an order, sir?" she asked bitterly after a long pause. At least she had stopped staring ahead and was now looking straight at him.

"Of course it's not," he felt his voice break. "Kara, I just … I just really need you to come down and talk to me. Please." His last word sounded more like a plea. But it worked and Starbuck slowly climbed out of the cockpit, although she remained several feet away.

"Okay, well I've climbed down here just like you asked. But I really don't think that I've got anything else to say to you, sir." she bit, stressing the last word with particular venom.

Lee took a step towards her, then stopped as she noticeably shrank back.

"Well then, if you don't want to talk then I guess we're both just going to have to listen to me instead." He searched into her eyes as he continued gently. "Kara, you tried to kill yourself out there today. You tried to kill yourself!"

His voice trembled as he thought about her dying. He felt tears sting his eyes. Pinching the top of his nose, he squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to stay in control. When he opened them again he saw that Kara could no longer look at him, she was staring hard at the floor in her own struggle not to cry. And that was when Lee Adama finally broke.

"How did I let things go so far Kara?" he asked, no longer caring about the tears in his eyes. "How did I let things get so wrong between us? You tried to kill yourself today. And it was my fault. What would I have done if I'd lost you? I need you. I can't do this alone. It may be selfish but it's true." He stepped forward and took her shoulders in his hands. He could feel her trembling beneath his fingers.

"It wasn't bravado out there today," he sniffed. "Telling you I was going to die there right with you. It wasn't some ploy to blackmail you into pulling back. I meant it. If you were going to die out there then I wanted to die too."

Out of the corner of his eye, Lee could see the Chief ushering curious ground staff away from them. Blinking back the tears in his eyes, he was grateful for the privacy.

"I'm sorry for the way I've treated you lately," he continued softly. "I'm sorry for the way I've let things get so bad. And I'm so sorry I let you down Kara."

Finally she looked up from the ground and met his eyes. "I let you down first," she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I should have know it wasn't you Lee. I should have known all along. I let you down. I should have been out there looking for you, instead of…" her voice trailed off.

"Instead of what?" Lee asked gently. "Instead of letting yourself be happy for once? Come here." He pulled her to him and felt her resist before finally relaxing into his embrace. He rocked her from side to side like a baby as he whispered into her ear. "You couldn't have known."

But it seemed it had been the wrong thing to say. Kara pushed herself away from him and quickly wiped her eyes to hide her emotion.

"That's where you're wrong Lee," she told him bitterly. "I should have known it wasn't you."

And suddenly Lee thought he understood. "Because he was in love with you?" he asked. "You think you should have known it wasn't me because the cylon was in love with you, because he made you so happy?"

Kara stared fixedly at the floor again and did not answer, but Lee didn't need a response. It had all become clear to him. Of course Kara didn't realise that Lee had been in love with her all along. Hadn't he denied it even to himself? She probably assumed that the cylon had been programmed to love her just to frak with her mind even more. She had no idea that it was all because of him.

Lee drew in a deep breath. It was time for his long overdue confession. "Kara," he began nervously, fidgeting like school boy. "Kara, the cylon never told you why he was programmed to be in love with you, did he?"

"No," she replied, looking hesitantly in his eyes as if waiting for another blow.

"Well, then here it goes," he took another deep breath as he tried to calm down his racing heart. This was almost more terrifying than those thirty raiders. "Kara, you could never have known that the cylon wasn't me. Nobody could. He was programmed to be like me. Exactly like me. Down to every last thought, every memory. Even every feeling."

He studied Kara's eyes to see if she was beginning to understand where he was leading, but was met with the same confused look, so he took the plunge and continued. "He loved you because I love you Kara. He didn't mean to do it. It wasn't a cylon game. He just loved you because I do."

There. He'd said it. He'd finally said it. And their world hadn't ended - again. He stood transfixed, waiting for her response and finally it came.

"You love me?" she asked uncertainly. "You love me as in 'you love me' love me?"

Lee let out the breath he'd been holding and chuckled despite himself at her absurd sounding sentence.

"Yes," he answered, a nervous smile playing on his lips. "I love you as in 'I love you' love you." He tentatively stepped closer and took her by the arms once more, his expression serious again as he continued. "I know how much I must have hurt you. The things I said in the sickbay. The way I've been behaving since. And I understand now that there's no way you or anyone else could have known that cylon wasn't me. I met him, we talked and he helped me realize that. But the thing is Kara, I've been so jealous. And I guess I've always had all these insecurities when it came to you. Because of Zak. Because you were closer to my father than I was. Because you're the one who's the hot shot pilot."

"What?" Kara interrupted incredulously.

"I couldn't help it. And then on top of that this cylon came along and took everything I ever wanted. He took my life and lived it so much better than I'd ever done. With his relationship with you. Even with my father. And it made me so jealous. It just ate me up. Can you understand? Can you forgive me?"

"Yes," Kara answered slowly. "Yes, I think I can."

"Thank you," he murmured, then pressed on, "But there's something else. One thing in particular that the cylon said that's really helped me." Lee pressed on.

"What was that?"

He took another deep breath. "He said you were in love with me too. With me, the real me. Before he ever came along. That you said so in your cockpit when you thought you were about to die."

Kara looked away in embarrassment and Lee had to smile. He felt a strange pride in being possibly the only person who could make the legendary Starbuck blush.

"Well, I might have said that." she responded, still avoiding his gaze. But when she turned back, Lee saw the sight he had yearned for. Kara was smiling.

"But you know," she continued, a grin widening on her lips. "You should never take what a cylon says for granted, Lee. You should really know better than that."

"I'm just going to take that as a 'yes' then." Lee laughed. He pulled her closer to him so they were just inches apart. They stared into each other's eyes and suddenly the laughter was gone. Suddenly it felt deadly serious again.

Starbuck eventually broke the silence.

"Where do we go from here, Lee?" she whispered. "It's all got so frakked up. How do we fix it? I don't know where to start."

"Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking about that," Lee began, but he was interrupted by Kara's unexpected laughter.

"Lee Adama's been doing a lot of thinking? No, I can't believe it. Can it really be you? Are you sure you're not a cylon again?" she pressed her hand against his forehead as if checking for a fever, an infuriating grin on her face.

Lee gave her a friendly swipe. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that your sense of humour is in really, really bad taste?" he responded. But he was joyous. How he had missed this banter, her teasing, their friendship. He looked down at that frustrating smile of hers and decided there was only one way to wipe it from her face. Slowly he leant towards her and brushed his lips against hers in the slightest whisper of a kiss. He wouldn't rush this. He wouldn't push too soon, too much had happened to both of them. And he wasn't going to frak things up again.

Gently he pulled away and smiled slightly smugly at the stunned look on her face.

"As I was saying," he continued, pulling back a loose strand of hair from her eyes and allowing his fingers to stroke her temple. "I've done a lot of thinking about this. And I reckon there is a way we can fix things. I know it won't be easy. But I think what I have to do is just concentrate on loving you, and making sure you never have a reason to doubt it. I promise I'll try and make you happy every day. And, well, maybe you can do the same for me in return."

"I think I can do that."

"Good." He pulled her into another hug and continued to whisper into her ear. "And then maybe we can both heal. 'Cos I know one thing, we live in a really frakked up universe, and we put ourselves in danger every day. We never know when it might all end. When we might lose the ones we love. It terrified me today when I thought I was going to lose you, Kara. Knowing that I might never get to makethings right between us. I'm not going to make that mistake again. I want to start living my life. And, if you'll let me, I want to start living it with you."

He felt Kara tighten her arms around him and he squeezed his eyes shut as he held on to her. And together they stood in the middle of the hanger bay, oblivious to the world around them.

When he finally opened his eyes, Lee saw the Chief smiling at them and he grinned right back. He still wasn't convinced that everything would be as simple as the cylon had described. And maybe life wouldn't be as interesting if it was. But Lee Adama knew one thing for sure. Standing here, right now, was the happiest moment of his life. And that had to be a step in the right direction.

THE END


End file.
